I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize