Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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