I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
