Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
