Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
