thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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