watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
