New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
