I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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