I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
