someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
