i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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