I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
