the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
