i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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