She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize