A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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