Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
