she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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