i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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