I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize