is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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