totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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