I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
