You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
