remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
