38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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