we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
