he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
