Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
