Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
