my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
