I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
