Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize