well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
