we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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