I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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