My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
