You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
