you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
