I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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