hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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