my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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