Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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