Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
