Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
