You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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