girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
