I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
