Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize