i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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