What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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