I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
