i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
