just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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