I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
