You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
