i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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