Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
