Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
