I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
