You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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