it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize