hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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