when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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