I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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