I wanna bring you to show and tell
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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