Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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