i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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