Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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