there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
