Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
