someone threw a dead crab at me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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