There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
