i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
