i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
