I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
