I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
