at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
