It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
