pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
vagina is talking i cant
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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